Encouraged

I'm currently going through Dr. Chuck Missler's series on the Book of James, and he spoke about how we should GROW in God's will (notes on this, James 4, to come soon).


I have learned that we often don't understand something until we understand it.


Duh, right?


What I mean is, we may go around restating obvious truths, but we don't personally connect with them until a personal experience jolts us awake, and then, we're like, "Oh, wow. So THAT was what it really meant!"


For me, that recent revelation is in the power of prayers.


I grew up an atheist and have been a Christian for 4 years. I am a Christian because I KNOW God exists. As a scientist, I OBJECTIVELY look at the evidence available and reach OBJECTIVE conclusions based on the evidence. And by evaluating all the evidence we have today, my scientific brain confirms that God exists.


My path toward God, therefore, is not a matter of knowledge of His existence. I am grounded solidly in tangible evidence, and my conclusion will not waver, even during dark times.


My challenge, however, is a matter of HEART.


Going through the Book of James has been difficult for me, because Missler has made it clear, through Biblical passages, that it is not enough to know God. It is not even enough to tremble in His name. Demons know God and tremble in His name, and yet they are not saved (James 2:19). The key is, do I truly know Him, do I have a PERSONAL relationship with Him, does my HEART belong to Him?


This journey so far has been filled with a lot of frustration. Many times when I pray, I often think I'm talking to myself. I cannot tell if God is speaking to me, and I cannot tell if I'm in the presence of the Holy Spirit. I have often told my friends that I feel like I'm the most ignored Christian in the world. I'm being facetious when I say that, but the point is, I check my heart and earnestly seek God, yet I have been feeling very frustrated because I still don't feel like I have a strong connection with God.


But, Friday, August 3, 2012, I had a breakthrough.


I have been praying very hard for a colleague of mine. She is an atheist, and we had a candid discussion where I encouraged her to think about reality and what is really true. I further encouraged her to come to me with questions before we ended the conversation.


Weeks and months went by and nothing happened. She continued to speak about Christians based on misguided information and readily jumped to conclusions without any sign of evidence. However, I have done my part in bringing the message to her. Her heart, that is now in the hands of the Holy Spirit. And so, I prayed hard for her every night. I prayed hard because I truly worry for her. When a person is determined to walk down a certain path, unless her heart changes, nothing I say would make a difference. And so, I prayed.


Flash forward a year later to August 3, 2012. She told me that she is now more open to God's message, and that she is thinking things through. She is not sure about what is what, but she is on her way.


My heart just jumped for joy. I told her that not only am I so happy for her but also that she is an encouragement to me. God worked two miracles at once, softening and opening up her heart and answering my prayers!


When I first became a Christian, I did not think I would have the heart to care for other people. I would never hurt them, but I also knew that I did not have the capacity to love them. I have my own life to live, and as long as they do their thing and leave me alone, I don't care what they are doing. When other Christians shared their stories, I would get annoyed and then become shameful. I get annoyed because I would be like, "Oh, come on. It's not all that lovey dovey. At least not for me!" But then, I would become shameful, because I know that this isn't the heart of Christ. And so, I would end up praying hard every night, for God to help me listen to Him better, to change my heart, to remove the hatred from my heart, so that I can rejoice when others rejoice and weep when others weep.


After Friday, I now understand why Christians leap for joy when we hear another soul has been saved. I praise God that I now can FEEL with my HEART the LOVE He has for His children. I did not think I had the capacity to love others, but God has changed my heart.


My colleague is coming closer to God because God stirred her heart. My heart leaps for joy for her because God has changed my heart. And through it all, God has shown me that I am not the most ignored Christian in the world :)


Missler said that our relationship with God is a GROWING relationship. It is not something that we just have. It is something we have to continuously work at it.


Before Friday, I would have said, "Duh. Come on. We all know that."


But after Friday, my HEART now knows it, too.


I hope my story encourages those who are currently working on their heart as well. It was not an easy beginning for me, because I'm an impatient person, but I have seen a ray of light. It is just so amazing. Don't stop walking. Keep at it while remaining steadfast in the Lord. He will guide you. HE WILL GUIDE US ALL!


Pastor Terry Gray often tells us about the high he'd get from witnessing God's work. Before Friday, I would listen to his stories and be like, "Well, good for him. I just don't feel it." But even today (Sunday), I'm still feeling the high from Friday. When my colleague told me about her changing heart, my head suddenly clicked, and a thought literally jumped into my head with great excitement, "This is God answering my prayers!" That, my friends, is the first time I can testify that the Holy Spirit has spoken clearly to me. And that, my friends, is also the first time I have personally felt the high of witnessing God at work. I pray we all can continously dwell in the high of witnessing God's work!


To be able to scream HALLELUJAH! and mean it in my heart, this is God!


HALLELUJAH!