Christian Marriage II: Friend with Benefits

Notes from Sunday sermon by Pastor Mark Driscoll


II. Friend (singular!) with Benefits
http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/friend-with-benefits


Bottom line: Marriage is the joining of two people who are lovers AND who are friends.


Genesis 2:18
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone."


Song of Solomon 5:16
The wife gives this amazing definition of friendship: "This is my lover, this is my friend."


There is no more beautiful a definition for marriage: the relationship between two lovers and friends. Or, to use Driscoll's terminology, "friend (singular!) with benefits."


For the woman in this Scripture, she saw her husband as her lover and friend.




Proverbs 18:24
A man who has friends must himself be friendly. Simply put, if we want to have friends, learn to be friendly. Our spouse is suppose to be our BEST friend. We should most certainly be friendly to him/her!




Genesis 1:28
God blessed them and said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it."


The marriage relationship, like everything else, exists to the glory of God. The primary function of the marriage is not to glorify ourselves or our parents or whoever else but to reflect God's glory in the both of us.


The marriage exists to have fruitful multiplication. This can include having children or adopting children. This includes culture making. This includes living lives together that are fruitful. A marriage that glorifies God is a marriage where the two people produce God-glorifying results, that people are better loved because of that God-glorifying friendship.




Proverbs 4:23
"Guard your heart."


Jeremiah 17:9
The heart can be deceptive, and deceitful, and wicked. 



Our heart isn’t always guiding us in the right direction, and so we need to guard it by reading the Word, praying to God for guidance, and surrounding ourselves with supportive Christian friends who can guide us back to God's Way when we have strayed.




1 John 4
"God is love."


Love doesn’t begin with us. It begins with God. Love emanates from God. The love that we can have for our spouse is a divine love because we received it first from God.


God's love for us is grace-oriented, because God loves us even though we are sinners. And even if our partner is in sin, or we’re in sin, God has love for them through us, and God has love for us through them.


It's so easy for us to judge others, especially our partner. But, remember God has forgiven our sins and loved us even when we were still in sin. We are deemed righteous again because of God's love for us. We should show such love for those around us, especially our partner.




Galatians 5:22
The fruit of the work of the Holy Spirit is love...


God the Holy Spirit has love for God the Son and God the Father. As the Holy Spirit takes up residence in the life of the believer, he brings with him the love of God. Thus, through the Holy Spirit, we can build our friendship with God. And if the Holy Spirit can help us do that, He will definitely help us build a friendship with our partner.




Genesis 32:30
So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, "It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared."


Exodus 33:11
The LORD would speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks with his friend.


We learn, therefore, that speaking face to face is how we speak to friends.




Judges 6:22
When Gideon realized that it was the angel of the LORD, he exclaimed, "Ah, Sovereign LORD! I have seen the angel of the LORD face to face!"


"The" angel of the LORD is Jesus.


We see therefore how Jesus is our friend.




1 Corinthians 13:12
Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.


Paul is talking about becoming friends with Jesus and how that would illuminate his understanding of the world.




Romans 12:15
Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.


A devoted friend, particularly a devoted marriage friend, is  there for us when times are good, to celebrate with us. A devoted friend is also there for us when times are bad, to comfort us.


Proverbs 17:17
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.


These are all examples of what a friend is. Most importantly, the idea here is that we learn how to be a friend from Jesus. When we develop a relationship with God, we are learning how to love as God loves. Hence, when we have a strong friendship with love, we will know how to develop a strong friendship with our spouse or significant other.




Proverbs 13:20 
He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.


We become like those whom we choose as our closes friends. Our nearest and dearest friends, our confidantes and counselors, beginning with our partner, should be wise. At the very least, they should reflect the people we aspire to become. Similarly, we want to be someone our partner would want to aspire to become. This is why forming that first friendship with Jesus is so important. Because once we have learned what it takes to be more like Jesus, we will then be able to apply that knowledge and be better friends with our partner.




Related articles:

http://aletheia-seekers.blogspot.com/2012/01/marriage-love-friendship.html
http://aletheia-seekers.blogspot.com/2012/01/hows-your-friendship-with-your-spouse.html