Christian Marriage IX: Selfish Lovers and Servant Lovers

Notes from Sunday sermon by Pastor Mark Driscoll

http://marshill.com/media/real-marriage/selfish-lovers-and-servant-lovers 

Bottom line: Jesus was a servant lover. And if we strive to be more like Jesus, we need to learn to love the way Jesus has shown us how to love.

The Q&A session at the end was the best example of a selfish lover as opposed to a servant lover. The question was, "I find it unrealistic that sex should be saved fro after marriage. Shouldn't we be sexually compatible?"


The question was about "me, me, me" as opposed to about what he/she could do to love or serve his/her partner better.

In addition to Driscoll's answer (see link above), I'd like to focus on the following point:

What do we think sex is? Is sex a gift from God, something that naturally follows love between a man and a woman? Or, is sex the goal, the only thing, the idol?

By asking the question, "Shouldn't we be sexually compatible?" the questioner brings up so many more questions.

First, what does "sexually compatible" really mean?

Second, and more importantly, by emphasizing sex more than the love between the man and the woman, this question leans toward idolizing sex as opposed to viewing sex as the natural byproduct of love.

For me, this question reveals a deep misunderstanding of the love of God.

I think it is useful to remember that we love because God loves. Our love is to mirror God's love for us.

In Driscoll's previous sermon in this series, he cited numerous Biblical passages to show us what sex is all about, so I won't waste more time on the subject.

What I do want to bring to light again is that when we put anything above God, we are committing spiritual adultery by idolizing that very thing. Jesus' two commands for us were love God and love others. Love is the obvious overarching theme. Not sex. LOVE.

And so, coming back to the question of sexual compatibility...

1) We weren't created to be sexual compatible. We were created to be image bearers of God.

2) Love comes BEFORE sex. The idea projected by the Scriptures about sex, at least in my mind, is that sex is the outward expression of the internal love shared between a man and a woman. Sex is an expression of love. A man and a woman have sex because of the love that connects them. They do not have sex because they want to be physically stimulated or satisfied.

3) By emphasizing sexual compatibility, the questioner places more importance on physical satisfaction than God's definition of a covenantal marriage.

You know, I'm not saying being sexually satisfied isn't important. But, sex simply isn't the point of our creation. We were not created so that we can have awesome sex all the time! Everyone has his/her big sin in life. For some, it can be alcoholism; it can be anger issues; it can be homosexuality; it can be whatever it is that continues to pull us away from walking with God. And what do we do whenever we are troubled by temptations? We pray for God's strength and guidance. We pray for God to lead us toward accomplishing HIS will, not our own. This is how we grow in God's Word.

We all have something we don't want to let go, but God has made it clear that there is only one God. So, we can have either God or the idol of our choice be at the center of our lives. This questioner chooses sex. I choose God.